Thank you #BenandJerrys for doing the right thing! Be the change you want to see in the world.
Update: The Fatherhood Conference had to be rescheduled due to issues with the venue, but it is on and upgraded this Saturday! There will be prizes such as laptops given away for fathers and young men. Please come out 9am-3pm!
This is the eleventh year that Joel Austin, the founder of Daddy University has traveled throughout the city of Philadelphia from radio station to television interview, blog interview and social networking gatherings to convey his passion for combating fatherlessness and supporting men who desire to be the best Fathers their children need. There is an epidemic of fatherlessness in our communities which can be traced back to slavery, and is exacerbated by today’s judicial system that unfairly targets and prosecutes African-American men at an alarming rate. According to the NAACP Criminal Fact Sheet, one in six African-American men are in prison compared to 1 in 100 African American women.
We need our men. We need our men to be great leaders, providers and fathers. When previously incarcerated fathers are released into society, who is there to help them reconnect with their offspring? When young men become fathers and have no male figure in their lives, who will guide them and support them? When our husbands, sons and grandchildren need resources to help them learn good parenting and or/co-parenting skills, where will they go to seek help? The National Fatherhood Conference is the answer.
This FREE conference held in the Philadelphia School District Education Center, 440 North Broad Street, Philadelphia PA in addition to free breakfast and lunch, provides numerous workshops on everything from custody to co-parenting, financial literacy, and even how to do your daughter’s hair. There is also LIMITED free childcare for those who register early, and a Young Men’s Conference for those who bring their sons between the age of 11 and 18. The Young Men’s Conference runs the same time as the Fatherhood Conference and they will also be provided breakfast and lunch if they register. The time to reach our young men is now, before they fall victim to the school to prison pipeline. Even if you are not a father or for some reason are not attending the conference, you can still register a young man and bring him to attend. The Young Men’s workshops include but are not limited to entrepreneurship, resolving conflict and dealing with “haters” as well as hygiene and financial literacy.
You can find out more information on the flyers above and below this post and by visiting the 11th National Fatherhood Conference registration page. African American Parenting will be in attendance and will post a picture of you and your child on our Facebook post to show all of the wonderful fathers and father figures in attendance. Register today and let us applaud you for your desire to be the best father your child deserves!
Register Here —-> National Fatherhood Conference
We’ll see you at the Conference!
It’s been about a month and a half since I withdrew my eight year old daughter (now nine) from public school and it’s been a roller-coaster of emotions and expectations for both of us. I am so grateful to the homeschooling community for being supportive of my decision and directing me to informative blogs and sites such as Ask Pauline and Educated Adventures blog; Unschooling . The valuable resources and insight I gained helped our transition from her former school to home the best possible experience for both of us. Due to the anxiety and aggression my daughter now associated with learning, I came to the realization that she would need a period of time to unravel from the unrealistic expectations, anxiety and regimented schedule that we were both accustomed to while she attended public school. On her last day of traditional school, she brought home a backpack full of textbooks, folders, pamphlets, notebooks and binders which were almost a foot high. We both looked at them and sighed. She immediately felt that she should keep everything and that we had to finish the work she started until the folders, workbooks and notebooks were filled. When I reached to take the math book (the source of most of her anxiety) suggesting we burn it, she responded with a look of shock and a resounding “No Mommy, we can’t burn it!”. I laughed but she was serious. It was then that I realized the conditioning and fear that influenced her learning on a daily basis. After I pried the textbook from her hand, I sat her down and explained to her the things I learned from reading the blogs and speaking face to face with other homeschooled families; that the beauty of homeschooling was that we didn’t have to follow any one else’s methods of learning and could create our own. I told her it was okay if she didn’t like any of the workbooks and wanted to rip them apart because we were free from their curriculum and that she could now determine how she learned and documented what she knew. She started to loosen her grip and walked over to a folder and said ” I despise this C.E. folder, can I rip up the pages inside?” I smiled and said “absolutely!”. I watched as she ripped the worksheets into tiny pieces repeating how much she hated having to do them and that she was now free. My heart warmed and I knew at that moment I made the right decision and would do everything I could to keep from having to send her back into an environment that caused her to attach any level of resentment and detestation to learning.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not adverse to public school if it’s working for your child. Both of my children as did I attended public school from kindergarten. My son was awarded a scholarship for private high school and is currently in his first year and I volunteered in the schools every week in addition to fundraising. This is all new to me and I’m learning that there is no right or wrong, only what’s best for your child. I’m far from a pro but I’ve leaned on my resources so that I could answer my daughter’s questions about the unschooling/homeschooling process. It’s new to both of us, and I’ve listed some of the questions I had that may help someone else making the decision:
Has it had its emotional heart wrenching moments? Yes. I have had my “what am I doing -I have to work and I don’t have time for this-what was I thinking!” moments where I doubted my ability to carry one more thing on my ‘to-do’ list. It would be at that precise moment that my daughter would walk up to me, hug me tightly and say “thank you Mom, I am free”.
Have we both been frustrated with the transition? Yes. I have been late to some appointments or have had to stop what I was working on intensely to help her find the website she needed to play math games, or to make her lunch. There were at least two weeks of adjusting, setting boundaries, readjusting and setting new boundaries. I realized well into my second week that for me this was not just a Mom homeschooling her daughter, but it had to be a partnership between parent and child. It was especially necessary for me as an entrepreneur and one parenting independently, that she understand there are times when I cannot be interrupted (unless her laptop or hair is on fire) and times when she has to be ready and prepared to leave at a certain time so that I am not late getting to a client. It helps that this is something that she wanted also, and not just my decision. I made it clear to her that homeschooling can not work if Mommy is unable to do her work. In return we agreed that Friday is our field trip day. Aside from a few phone calls and returned emails in the morning, she gets undivided Mom time on Fridays. Some days we end up just going into the city for lunch and walking around and some days it’s a museum or a meet up with the Homeschooling Group in Philadelphia. It’s quality time where we unplug and enjoy whatever journey we decided to take, and it’s my favorite time of the week!
Is it as easy as it appears? Heck no! But it’s much more manageable than I thought it would be. I would highly suggest you reach out to others and connect to a “tribe” of supportive parents, families and educators to help you stay afloat. I responded to a flyer about an African-American Homeschool group meet up in Philadelphia initiated by Maleka Diggs founder of the Eclectic Learning Network. The group meets every other week and even though it’s a 25 minute drive, it is well worth the trip for me to be in a room full of people who not only support your decision but provide resources and wisdom to help make the transition easier for you. I’ve found especially in the suburbs that un/homeschoolers are judged because the school districts are more privileged than those in urban areas and people assume that the only rational reason to remove your child from such a great school would be that your student has some type of disability, or you’re weird or snobby. Neither was the case. I’ve found that those assumptions have more to do with the mindset of the person making the judgement than the person making the best choice for their child.
How can learning happen if there’s no curriculum? I have to admit this was a huge adjustment for me as a new “unschooler”. I thought similar to my daughter that to just continue where her school left off with the curriculum would be the easiest method for me since spending money and time researching the right curriculum for her seemed insurmountable! I would hear myself saying “ok you need to stop that and get some reading in” or “we didn’t do any math this week, log into Kahn Academy” and she would look at me as if I had two heads and I would let it go. Yet still I felt like I was failing at being her educator until I attended the Homeschool Meet up group at the Joseph E. Coleman Free Library. I was able to express my feelings of inadequacy in a non judgmental space and left with the assurance that it would happen naturally because children are natural learners. I had heard those words before, but still thought I had to make it happen. As we left the library my avid reader noticed some books she wanted to buy from the library sale. It instantly occurred to me that this could be a teachable moment. We talked about the price of the books, and asked her to tell me how much she needed to buy all five books. We had the time to sit and break down the numbers into monetary value for her to get a solid understanding of the relationship between money and math. With a tiny bit of help, she figured it out. I then noticed one of the 5 books in her hand was not a part of the series and asked her to figure out how much we needed if we didn’t purchase that book. We walked out with not only the four books but with a lesson in money, addition and subtraction all without coercion, forethought or strain. It was at that moment I understood my role in this process; let go and just wait for the teachable moments to be presented. Two days later we attended a Fresh Baked Theatre Company play at Widener University. When we left the performance she noticed there were eight flags in the courtyard. Janai turned to me and said “Mom, there are 50 stars on each flag, I bet I can figure out how many stars in total!” She was starting to see that learning can happen outside of a classroom and that math was everywhere. I smiled and watched as she counted the stars (see picture below).
Does she wish she was back at school? I have to say that for the first day she was sad about not seeing her friends every day and wondered if she would be just as happy at home, but that’s how long it lasted. One day. We are fortunate that for now we live across the street from her former school and she enjoys greeting her friends and getting hugs as they head to their bus or walk home from school. She is very sociable and her friends are special to her so we have lots of play-dates and have even hosted her Girl Scout troop at our home. The great thing about Pennsylvania is that although it’s tightly regulated, you are allowed to continue participation in any and all after school activities including sports and girl scout meetings when you homeschool. My daughter gets quality time with her friends now instead of just the 20 minutes they were allowed to chat and play freely at school.
Do I regret the decision to pull her out of school? Not in a million years. When you’re an independent parent and self-employed it takes a lot more planning and juggling, but it’s possible. The only thing I regret is not pulling her out much earlier in the year!
I’m happy to answer any questions in the comments below or feel free to contact me via email at firstname.lastname@example.org. EnJOY the journey and make it a great day!
I’m almost exhausted from reading the numerous articles, surveys and studies written about the inequities in the school system when it comes to identifying and supporting both gifted and talented students of color. I am sharing the article below because it has a lot of valid and important information and insight. I have one extremely gifted child and one extremely talented child. They are both gifted, one intellectually and one creatively. My son was reading chapter books and starting multiplication tables at the age of six. My daughter, a Harry Potter fanatic started piano lessons at the age of 3, could read sheet music by the age of 4 and has started working on both original songs and book ideas. You would assume from the brief introduction that my son would have easily been identified as gifted and would have had no problem with access. If so, your assumptions are wrong. His pediatrician warned me at the age of 2, that knowing all of his colors and shapes and counting to 20 was not normal for a two year old and suggested Montessori school. The Montessori school told me he had a problem focusing, not realizing he was bored. One of the teacher’s assistants suggested I get him tested after I tried countless times to get the schools’ Director to accelerate him to no avail. I did my research and found out the only way to have him tested without paying was to register him with the district as if I were preparing to enroll him into public school for Kindergarten. I took her advice and he scored off the charts on his IQ test. I sent a copy of the report to the Director and not only did she not acknowledge his accomplishment but still refused to provide any specialized curriculum for him. As you can imagine I was frustrated and furious because I was paying full private school tuition and my child was not being supported. He graduated from their Pre-K program and we never looked back. I read the book A Nation Deceived, which changed my mindset about acceleration and realized then that he needed to skip first grade. My next step was to set up an appointment with the Principal, Psychologist and Gifted Instruction Director of the public school he would attend. Advocacy.
I was fortunate to attend a seminar on Educating Black Boys in Suburban School Districts, and met Dr. Juan Baughn, a former assistant to the Secretary of Education in PA. I shared my story about my son and mention the upcoming meeting and he offered to attend the meeting to assist me in my appeal to have my son skipped. Advocacy. Dr. Baughn did not request a fee and I never saw him again, but his presence at the meeting assured success and an appropriate individualized program for my son. The district was hesitant to admit it but at the time, out of all four elementary schools in the entire district, my son was the only African American male in the gifted program. I would bet money that at the time he graduated from middle school, the statistic was the same.
Bottom line is it takes time, money and resources to advocate for our the best interest of our students, especially students of color who are in suburban school districts where there are hardly any administrators or teachers of color able to look out for their best interest. I was fortunate as an entrepreneur to have the time to do the research and attend numerous meetings and phone conversations during the work day. Most working parents don’t. We need to have third parties inside the schools who are there to identify and support the parents as advocates for our children to be sure they are supported intellectually, creatively and emotionally.
I am always happy to share my experience and resources with any parents facing concerns and needing support for their gifted or talented child. This article I believe has great information and insight, yet I hope one day there is no need for these words to be written. Let me know your thoughts…
A direct quote from the article written by Staff Writer Madhu Krishnamurthy : “Nationally, among the reasons for the under-representation of minority and low-income students in gifted programs are the use of subjective teacher referrals in the identification process and lack of parent advocacy, experts say.”
‘”When given an enriching academic environment and emotional support, gifted students despite their background, go on to achieve incredible things,” said Paula Olszewski-Kubilius, director of Northwestern University’s Center for Talent Development and professor of education and social policy. “It’s our responsibility to close the gap for these kids.”‘
We Love the idea of having a central place to access cultural and educational programs in Philadelphia for children and families that are FREE! Please visit https://m.facebook.com/freeinphilly , “like” the page and select notifications to stay updated on new content. You can also follow them on Twitter @Free_In_Philly. The website is coming soon! Thank you Barbara Lanell for creating and updating this wonderful resource for parents!
Check out @AfrAmParenting’s Tweet: https://twitter.com/AfrAmParenting/status/701035052331888641?s=09
Listen in to this important roundtable discussion held this past Friday on homeschooling and how different families are meeting their children’s educational needs.
This is the second post in a series based on the pamphlet “150 Ways to Show Kids You Care” (see previous post for link). I choose one of the items and share how I apply it with my children. Today as my son walked out the door to catch his bus my eyes fell on #104; Visit their school. This seems like a simple, no-brainer, but in this economy where many parents are working long days and sometimes two or three jobs, it’s very difficult to take the time off to visit their child’s school. I fortunately am self-employed and can schedule my clients around important meetings and/or events at my childrens’ school. I can’t stress enough the importance of showing up occasionally at your child’s school. Both administrators and teachers (not just your child’s teacher but the teachers who may have your child in their class in the future) are paying attention and notice the parents that walk the halls occasionally, volunteer at school events and reach out to the teacher if there is an issue at school. The idiom “the squeaky wheel gets the oil” is actually true. When you have a presence at your child’s school the teachers see you as a partner and supporter of not just your child but of the teacher and the school as a whole. Your presence also allows the school to become familiar with you as a positive contribution to the school and not just a parent who complains or shows up only when there is an issue with your child.
It doesn’t mean you have to volunteer to be the President of the PTG or the Classroom mom, but let the teacher know that you can make yourself available to help out with advanced notice a few times a year. Show up to a few PTG meetings in the evening, send email or notes to your child’s teacher once a month just to check in and give a compliment or suggestion. Buy an extra family-sized pack of snacks or a box of pencils at the beginning of the school year (or mid-year) and send them in with your student. Volunteer to chair or co-chair one of the school’s fundraisers, or at least sign up to support the event. If you are unable to visit your child’s school ask a sibling, parent or even grandparent to stand in your place. Maintain a presence in some manner and believe me when there is an issue at school, everyone involved will be more supportive, more inclined to hear you when they see you as an involved parent. They will also keep your child in mind when other educational and/or extra-curricular opportunities are available because they know that you will support them in their endeavors. The most important reason to show up is because your child is watching. They may not say it but it makes them feel loved and protected and more motivated when they know you care enough to take the time to support them at school.
Believe me, it works! Let me know how it works for you.
My children started school today, and all around the country there are parents buying school supplies, new clothes, bookbags and countless electronic devices in order to prepare their children for the new school year. We spend so much time and money getting the “things” we need, but what is just as important for me is knowing the teachers, administrators and other support staff who influence the intellect and emotional health of my children for the majority of their day. As fortunate as we are to have access to a noteworthy school district and staff, I am still very aware that my children will be surrounded by children who will not look like them, teachers who will not look like them and more than likely the only people of color they will see are in the cafeteria or cleaning up after them throughout the day. It’s unfortunate that most of those in the schools they attend have never had the experience of being a “minority” or having a close relationship with someone of another ethnicity or religion. These truths concern me more than whether they have the correct number of sharpened pencils. Each year as August comes to a close, I being to make my presence known to those who will hold my children’s hearts and brains captive for six or seven hours each day. I have had enough experiences throughout the years with school systems (both public and private) and have learned the hard way that everyone hired as a teacher/administrator does not necessarily have my child’s best interest at heart. I will share a few tidbits of wisdom I’ve learned that have helped me get the school year off to a great start:
- Take advantage of your access to teachers the week before school starts : Most of your child’s teachers are at school the week prior to the first day of school, preparing their classroom for the kids as well as any open house events happening in the school. Take advantage of this time that they will be able to read email without interruption and send a quick “Hello, I’m XYZ’s parent, nice to meet you” email. This is a great time to quickly mention any emotions your child has about the new year as well as any emotional, intellectual or health issues that may challenge the teacher, good or not so good. The email I send for my middle schooler is much shorter than the one for my second grader, and if it is a new teacher, I also will attach my “This is My Kid” note to the email which I’ll explain below.
- Type up a one or two paragraph note about your child that you can update from year to year: I started it in Preschool because it was requested by one of the teachers, and I’ve kept it up each year. Some people may think it’s too much but I believe that someone who has my child’s time and attention for the majority of their waking hours should know more about them than their name and address. I include a little about their favorite things and subjects, but more importantly, what helps them transition, how they handle change, any allergies or health issues, any extraordinary emotional issues that may distract them as well as what motivates them to learn. I have found that their teachers have really found the information to be extremely helpful.
- Make every open house and/or back to school night: I know, who wants to work all day, fight traffic to get home to get dinner and then go back out at night to the school. Ugh! Not my favorite thing to do, but a great way to show not only the teachers, but your child that you have a vested interest in their happiness and success in school. You’re showing them that you care about where they sit, who they interact with, how long it takes to get from class to class and what books they use. You get to put a face to the teacher’s names, see how their teacher interacts with their students and feel their energy (yes, I said it…but energy transfers to your kid). It’s also a subtle message to those who interact with your student that you care about what’s going on at school and that you are ready and willing to work together as a team to make sure it’s a good experience for your child. I can’t stress how important this is. Your presence is a powerful statement.
- Keep a folder for each child: The beginning of the year causes an influx of paperwork and procedures that make my head spin! When I purchase their school supplies, I also purchase a two-pocket folder for the year that I use to keep track of all of the correspondence from their school. One side has paperwork etc that I need to act on and return to school, and the other side has information I need to keep such as school procedures, daily schedules, calendars, teacher contact information, report cards and any other teacher correspondence that I need to refer to throughout the year. Whew! I get exhausted just thinking about it, so the folder helps, believe me!
- Don’t assume everyone has your child’s best interest at heart: I can’t stress this one enough. I was paying for my son to attend a Montessori school that refused to customize his educational goals even after he achieved a 99 percentile on the IQ test administered by the State. The director wouldn’t even discuss his score with me and that was the last year he attended that school. Don’t assume that your child’s teacher is not biased just because he/she is a teacher; don’t assume your child’s teacher has ever had diversity training, don’t assume the social studies class will teach the truth about American History, don’t assume that your child will be treated fairly or even better because he/she is gifted or “bright”. Don’t assume that your child is being treated fairly. Talk to your children about their day, let them know how they should be treated and teach them to have the same expectations of their teachers. Hold their teachers accountable and make them aware of your expectations, just as they make their expectations clear to the students at the beginning of the year. Stay abreast of your child’s progress and don’t be afraid to make a phone call or send an email if you feel they are not receiving the help/support or enhancement that they need to succeed. Check out the school website, and take the time to get information about any awards, special programs or scholarships for which your son/daughter may be eligible. I have had several situations where their teacher did not nominated them. I must say that I have been fortunate to have had wonderful experiences in our school district, but there have been a few who have been a challenge.
- Help your child look forward to their first day: Both of my children were nervous about their first day, but I try to set up some fun activities the week before school starts as an attempt to lessen the anxiety. If there is an Open House at their school, I attend it with them. If their teacher sends a welcome letter, I share it with them and ask them how it makes them feel. We go to the store and they each get to pick out a “have a great school year” gift or other small token; it serves as a constant reminder of my support of and belief in them. Of course there’s the back to school day outfit that they get to pick out and on the morning of their first day of school, I add something special to their breakfast. The evening of their first day, we go out to a celebratory dinner, whether it be pizza or someplace a more classy, they get to pick and even dress up if they’d like. It gives us a chance to talk about their day and serves as my way of showing them how important their education is to me and that I share their excitement.
After you do all of the above, go to your nearest coffee shop or masseuse (or both!) and celebrate yourself for the amazing job you’ve done to get them and their brains in good hands! I hope these tidbits have helped. Please feel free to comment and add any methods that help your child/ren get off to a positive start. Wishing you a successful school year!
My son recently had the opportunity to attend the summer science institute, a program at The Franklin Institute. He LOVES science and math and thrives in those environments so although it would have meant a 40 minute drive into the city and back each day, I was willing to make the sacrifice for him as an investment in his future. By God’s grace, my youngest brother, who also travels into the city every day for work offered to have him stay with him during the week and he would be responsible for transporting him back and forth to camp. What a relief! If my tween was going to experience being away from home for the first time, I couldn’t have asked for a better situation than for him to be with a family member who just happens to have a houseful of boys for him to hang with. Win. Win.
Well, he had the time of his life visiting waste management plants, meeting kids his age, working with petri dishes and laughing with his Uncle “T”. I missed him but as an independent mom, I am learning to let go and trust the village and accept that there are lessons that I cannot teach him. Sometimes the village is family, and sometimes it comes in the form of an unexpected phone call from a major museum about a subsidized science program that is the perfect fit for my kid. I accept it all and give thanks.
In the meantime, I spent some much-needed quality time with my daughter. We have a special bond, but because of some other issues going on in her life she has a yearning for nurturing that I normally have to divide between the two children. We did the typical girlie things and talked about her beauty, her gifts and how to respond to girls who laugh at her hair when she wears it out in a curly natural style (I’ll tackle that subject in another post!). We took ‘selfies’ and the Black Girls Rock t-shirts that I ordered the previous week came in the mail and she said that she felt like we were sisters. Win. Win.
When my son came home, full of testosterone and erupting with information about his two weeks at science camp and spending time with his uncle, aunt and cousins he was surprisingly clingy. He had a ball but actually missed his nagging mom and his overly dramatic sister! We’ve since spent many an evening with him huddled up next to me on the couch after I tucked his sister into bed, watching anything from Transformers to the Cooking channel. He is really a great kid, and extremely bright but the reality is that too many kids just like him go missing, get lost in foster care or the criminal system, or just expire on the streets. And although we live in the suburbs which lowers his risk somewhat he as a young, gifted black boy is still very much a target. So when I recently came across this website, Save Black Boys.org, and saw the t-shirts, I thought of the matching shirts worn by my daughter and myself the previous week. What better way to show my love and support of my son and to keep our boys in the forefront of the minds of all that meet us, than to get matching t-shirts for my son and I as well. We all need to save our black boys; they too are America’s promise. They too hold the key to making this a great nation. Each time we lose one, we lose ourselves because we all are one. We need to save them from being racially profiled, save their minds, save their souls, save their self-esteem, save their pride, save their brilliance, save their masculinity, save their lives. What will you do to show them that we care? How will we save them? If you don’t have time to write your congressman, mentor, start an non profit or teach, you can show your solidarity. I am not connected to this program in any way, I just love their boldness and the shirt is nice too! 🙂
Get yours here: